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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159940">Obligations Shape Our Lives</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilbob/pseuds/Evilbob'>Evilbob</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Planet To Save Somewhere [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, M/M, all the feels, emotional about sleeping positions, feelings about spaceships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:27:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159940</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilbob/pseuds/Evilbob</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a scene in SWtOR where you wake up in a ship's bunk after having your ass kicked six ways from Sunday. You're laying there with your arms at your chest the way they were when you were shown stuck sleeping in binders. This gave me a lot of feelings. And then the ship gave me feelings. So I wrote fic (literally the first fiction I have written in almost a decade).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kira Carsen/Male Jedi Knight | Hero of Tython, Male Jedi Knight | Hero of Tython/Theron Shan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Planet To Save Somewhere [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Obligations Shape Our Lives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My head was throbbing as the light behind my eyelids brought me back to consciousness. I took a centering breath and gave my implants a moment to begin interfacing. Silence, but not unnatural. I moved my awareness through my body, checking in before I dared open my eyes. My wrists were pressed together at my chest and instinctively I pulled at them. No, I was no longer bound, that nightmare was over. I rubbed my wrists and reassured the part of my mind that would never be free of carbonite. As I finished passing my senses over my body my implants picked up the faint sounds of moving air. My nose confirmed it was fresh and clean, but slow. Pressing my eyes tighter closed I braced for the onslaught of bright light that was waiting on the other side of my lids.<br/>
<br/>
Surprising, the light was not as harsh as I feared. It was muted through the dome and behind the dome were leaves. Not in space then, that was nice.<br/>
<br/>
I was in a plain bunk, and when I swung my feet over the side to stand up my boots connected with the metal of a ship’s floor. So I was on a ship, but not in space. Where was I?<br/>
<br/>
I stood, my head still pounding, and my hip called out in pain as I put weight on it. Yes, that made sense. I remembered the spirit throwing me into a cliff wall. Possibly twice? It might have been more judging by the spike of red hot pain. My implant registered the sound of my feet on the floor very dully, like the ship was cushioned. The ship wasn’t on a duracrete pad. Odd.<br/>
<br/>
I needed to know where I was, how long I had been out, and how to get back to the base. So the hallway was the obvious answer.<br/>
<br/>
It felt so familiar, the inside of this ship, like I had been here before.<br/>
<br/>
Looking around it was clear this ship hadn’t flown in some time. There were crates covered in fabric, turning them into makeshift chairs. There were trinkets out that wouldn’t survive most flights. At least not the way my flights normally worked out. Especially if Kira was the one flying.<br/>
<br/>
Kira.<br/>
<br/>
The ship.<br/>
<br/>
I looked forward, and yes, there was the bridge. My ship? Was I home?
</p><p>I rushed towards the bridge, not caring about the noise I made or the pain in my side. Empty. Looking out on a forest clearing.<br/>
<br/>
Was this another of the spirit’s dreams? No, nightmare. Showing me what happened to Kira. We had been looking ever since I was pulled out of carbonite. Everyone telling me there had been no word. It had been almost a year, but I hadn’t given up. I couldn’t.<br/>
<br/>
I missed my crew, but my heart ached for Kira.<br/>
<br/>
Had the spirit just brought me here to taunt me. To show me what happened to her after I sent the Defender away? Would I wake up back where he had electrocuted me, knowing that Kira was alone somewhere, in the wilderness of some unknown planet, out of contact, clinging to the last thing we shared? Our ship.<br/>
<br/>
My chest hurt, my eyes were wet.<br/>
<br/>
This war was determined to take everything from me.
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>There is no emotion, there is peace.<br/>
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.<br/>
There is no passion, there is serenity.<br/>
There is no chaos, there is harmony.<br/>
There is no death, there is the Force.</p>
</blockquote>This is why we weren’t allowed attachments. You can’t fear loss if you have nothing to loose. But without those connections, those attachments, I only saw myself being cold and impassive. To me that was a sure way to fall to the dark. Would I have succeeded in all the ways no one thought a Jedi could without some attachment? Would the outcome of the war mattered if I wasn’t attached in some way?<p>My fists rubbed at my eyes and as I rubbed away the tears I was brought back to whatever reality this was.</p><p>If Kira was here I should find…</p><p>No.</p><p>Kira wasn’t here.</p><p>I took a deep shaky breath.</p><p>This wasn’t our ship.</p><p>They had found the Defender. Remember. It was at the base. The Alliance was always surprised when I took another ship or shuttle on missions. My ship, all fixed up, just sitting there. Empty.</p><p>I hated going on the ship now, unless I had to. It was so quiet. Even Cee-en was gone. The sound of my feet on the floors were hollow and cold.</p><p>Then this wasn’t some nightmare scenario. Maybe? I needed to focus. I needed to look at what was here and then I could figure out were here was. I needed to get back to base. They would be leaving for the Spire soon. I needed to be there. It was my duty.</p><p>And duty always came first. I sounded like one of Theron’s Sixth Line. Duty. That’s why I hadn’t run away from the Alliance to find Kira. Would she be able to forgive me? When the galaxy was safe, and I found her...</p><p>
  <em>‘Later love. It feels like we should be saving the galaxy right now.’</em>
</p><p>Would she forgive me for saving the galaxy without her? Is she out there thinking that I left her?</p><p>I’ve sent messages, but none come back. Nothing since the ones she sent while I was frozen. My body being slowly poisoned and my mind being tortured by the spirit of the Emperor I had killed twice over. He taunted me with visions of my crew. With visions of Kira. Told me they floated apart without me. One of the messages I had waiting for me had told me that was true.</p><p>The Alliance finding my ship, but not Kira confirmed it. Those days were gone.</p><p>I looked around the small bridge, very similar to the Defender, but slightly smaller, more streamlined. There were two small coves that I had rushed past on my way in. One was empty, the other had a sitting pillow and a small table set up. It looked cozy. The holoportrait on the table created a warm familial aura. It was of a young boy.</p><p>My chest caught again thinking of Kira. We had once talked about retiring from the order someday and starting a proper family. Even though he didn’t know of that conversation, Scourge expected me to have children, and that he would train them. Was Scourge there with Kira, helping raise my family that I wanted but couldn’t be a part of? Had I not only left Kira alone for nearly six years but alone raising a child? When I found her would she ever forgive me?</p><p>I kneeled down to look closer. He seemed familiar. A teen, with a wry smile, tousled hair and his hand resting on a cocked hip. Even without the implants, different in the holo than they are today, I would recognize that face. Theron. My joy. The reason I could keep going every day. Then my heart tightened.</p><p>This was Master Satele’s ship.</p><p>I had heard she was missing. It was in one of the letters Kira had sent while I was in carbonite. She said she knew I was still alive. She never gave up on me. I would find her.</p><p>But the right now…</p><p>Focus.</p><p>Breathe.<br/>
<br/>
Focus. </p><p>Had Master Satele found me? Has she been on Odessan this whole time?</p><p>I unfolded myself and prepared to go looking for her. Or a way back to the base. If I was lucky, both.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to Lyra &amp; Mikka for being my beta readers on this.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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